The Daily Mail revealed that Esporta Health Clubs had launched a new line of socks, dubbed FatSox, designed to help people lose weight. These revolutionary socks actually sucked body fat out of sweating feet, promising to banish fat for ever. The American inventor of this weight-loss product, Professor Frank Ellis Elgood, explained that the socks employed a nylon polymer called FloraAstraTetrazine previously only applied in the nutrition industry. As a person's body heat rose and their blood vessels dilated, the socks drew excess lipid from the body through the sweat. After having sweated out the fat, the wearer could then simply wash the socks, and the fat, away.

Viagra For Hamsters

The Independent reported that Florida researchers had developed a Viagra-like pill to treat sexually frustrated pets, including hamsters. Veterinarians were said to have greeted the news with derision, but the article pointed out that there are few things as sad as a pet suffering from feelings of sexual inadequacy, noting,

It's not unknown for a guinea pig to sit in its cage thinking, 'I haven't had sex for months. Am I so unattractive?'

Owners were instructed to simply grind the pills up and sprinkle them in the pet's food. Laying some newspaper down on the floor once the pills began to take effect was also advised. The pills were to be marketed under the brand name Feralmone.

Annual NYC April Fool Parade

A news release informed the media that the 15th annual New York City April Fool's Day Parade would begin at noon on 59th Street and proceed down to Fifth Avenue. It would include a Beat 'em, Bust 'em, Book 'em float created by the New York, Los Angeles, and Seattle police departments, portraying themes of brutality, corruption and incompetence. There would also be an Atlanta Braves Baseball Tribute to Racism float featuring John Rocker spewing racial epithets at the crowd. CNN and the Fox affiliate WNYW promptly sent news crews to cover the parade. They arrived at 59th Street at noon and patiently waited for the parade to start. It never did. The prank was the handiwork of long-time hoaxer Joey Skaggs, who had been issuing press releases announcing the nonexistent parade every April Fool's Day since 1986.